The Next Greatest Generation

Everyday I am more convinced that the next generation will be a great one!
I was certain of it Saturday while attending my grandson's high school graduation. There I heard one of the best speeches on my lifetime; it was certainly the best ever by a high school student!

This young man spoke of his gratitude to those who helped him succeed. I know that sounds kind of routine and a bit dull, but let me tell you about it.

First, he thanked his friends who helped him, studied with him, laughed and played with him. He went on to mention many other reasons for thanking them but concluded with, "I especially want to thank you for being nice to me!" *

Next he thanked the teachers and the high school staff who helped him, taught him, and believed in him. "Without you I would not be standing here!"

Of course he thanked his family and reminded his class mates of the debt, "We all owe our parents."

Finally he thanked "This wonderful country we all share! I know you all appreciate it, but I see it from a different viewpoint." Then he went on to tell of his being born and raised in Argentina and moving to New Jersey when he was in eighth grade and unable to speak English.

He was  pretty miserable there, and, "... developed a really bad attitude." The attitude did not change when he moved to Brentwood and was rejected from a charter school. He started public school taking general core classes hoping to somehow get through the school year with a chip balancing on his shoulder.

"Then, some of the teachers started to notice me and took a special interest in me. I found some friends who were nice to me, and things began to change." He spoke of this transition and the work he, his family, his friends, and his teachers did. "My attitude changed and my GPA followed it."

He concluded without a foreign accent, "I will be attending one of the country's best school [Georgia Tech} on a scholarship. If I can do this with your help, think of what we all can do together."

He sat down to a standing ovation! The first one I have ever seen for a high school salutatorian! And well worth it!

There is a "Gratitude Attitude" movement in the country. Join it; see how we can change the world by being grateful for what we have, what we are, and what we can become!




*To read more about the value of being nice see Chapter 23 "Just Be Nice" in "Messengers in Denim,"

Today's young generation

The young people today are well on their way to become the next Greatest Generation! At least that's what I am seeing.

This past week I examined a young man who was joining the US Army. When I told him he qualified, I congratulated him, and told him how proud and grateful I was for what he was about to do. "We need more men like you!" I exclaimed.

He smiled and asked if I had served. I told him I had been in the US Air Force. "Thanks for what you did. You kept me safe; now I will pay you back!"

That little scene made my day and started my Memorial Day Week!

Enjoy and thank those who are serving, those who will serve, and those who have served. Have a great weekend!

Treat Your Kids Like Dogs???

I guess everyone knows what it's like to be busy and to be overwhelmed! I am overwhelmed, but things will lighten up this next week (I hope).

In any event I did have time to grab a cup of coffee and a salad at my favorite patio-restaurant last week and had the pleasure of speaking to a young couple. They had a big dog with them; I think he was part lab and part golden. What a good looker he was, and he was as well behaved as he was pretty. He sat quietly by the table and was all but invisible, just like a dog should be when out in public. I complimented the couple and told them I hoped when they have children they will be as good. He told me his dog was only good because they had taken him to a dog training course. "Maybe they will have one for kids by the time we have them," he added.

I thought that was a good idea, told him I was working on it, and gave him my "Messengers in Denim" card.

Later in the week Mary and I went to a real restaurant and ate on the patio. (In the summer, unless its very hot, I only visit restaurants that have patios). Our meal was delicious and our pleasure was enhanced when a lady and her husband sat at the table next to us and placed their dog, Kudlow, on the chair at their table. He sat quietly in his Sherpa bag and looked longingly at Mary until she was unable to resist going over and talking with him and his pet people. He was really cute and enjoyed our company almost as much as we enjoyed him. His pet lady was a professional piano player and his man did something with computers, but I was not able to comprehend what it was. We exchanged cards and went home having enjoyed another great evening evening.

I was reminded of both these triads a few days later while waiting in line at the Post Office. A young mom was in line ahead of me with her 4 year old son. He was whining and pulling on her arm preventing her from addressing the package she intended to mail. Finally he gave up trying to get her attention with this behavior, walked over to the card rack, and began to inspect the cards. Mom had finished her package preparation and noticed him just as he found a card liked. Mom gently told him to put it back but instead he squeezed it in his hand until it was bent and ruined. Then Mom said, "We'll have to buy that card for you now." And she did.

Why is it that so many pets are better behaved than kids? Do we as people think kids are not trainable, or do we think they will just learn what to do and how to act by themselves? Perhaps some parents think by not teaching their kids how to act they are being good to them. Or, maybe they are afraid the kids will not like them, or will lose their self-esteem if parents try to tell them what to do.

I propose that the man in the in the first story above was right; there needs to be a training course for little kids! Parents need to learn how to teach  kids how to act. It is one of the best things they can do for the kids, and it's also part of a parent's responsibility.

I have been thinking about this problem for a long, long time; and there is so much parents need to do with their young kids. I am planning on offering a fix to this problem in a short book with the working title:  "Love Your Kids Enough to Treat Them Like Dogs". The publisher may want to change the title, so I will keep you informed of our progress. Don't look for it until some time 2013. If you have questions or comments about training little kids, Let me know!

Afterthought: I know some of you will say "We train dogs, but we teach kids." Yes, we do, but it's much easier to teach a child who knows what "sit", "stay", "come", "yes" and "no" mean. And remember when we talk about doctors one of the first we ask is, "Where did you train?" If we can train doctors, we can, and should, train kids.

Parenting Course

Yesterday Mary and I presented the final class in our 6 session parenting course at our church.  We were surprised by the good attendance and hope we were helpful to the participants.

Good news is that the attendees said they liked the course! Many also said they loved "Messengers in Denim"! But, we did more than just present "Messengers", we tried to relate the parent lessons to the parents present. We also made it fun by taking a break in the middle of each class and playing a country music video.

For the first class we chose Rodney Atkins', "Watching You". This is the first lesson every parent learns. Kids are watching us. Not to be repetitious, but as I noted last week, "Don't be concerned that your kids don't hear everything you tell them; be concerned that they see every thing you do!"

The second session focused on doing things with your family, real things like hiking, fishing, building a model, things that allow you and your kids to communicate! We excluded things that are parallel but not together - things like movies and TV. Then we showed Trace Adkins', "Just Fishin' ". Fishing is a great example of something to do WITH your kids.

The third session, on the importance of religion,  included Brooks and Dunn's, "Believe". There wasn't a dry eye when it finished playing, but it led to some great discussion.

The fourth session was a bit tougher. It was on peer pressure and drug and alcohol use. After half an hour of back and fourth regarding peer pressure, we showed Toby Keith's, "Red Solo Cup." Then we discussed what to do when your kids see and enjoy this hilarious video. But, it is not so funny in the real world. The class loved the opportunity to discuss this and other examples of negative behavior, all the while learning how to take advantage of  "Teachable Moments".

Session five was even more difficult; it focused on teen sexuality. We, and teens especially, are hit in the face daily with sex sells ads, and movies and TV shows that seem to have no moral compass! Unfortunately, many of our acquaintances also seem to have no moral values related to sexual activity. What's a person to do? We played Dierks Bentley's, "Come a Little Closer" video! Now, I really like Dierks, but this video is too much. Most of the parents thought it was a bit too steamy.  What do you say to your kids about videos, movies, and TV shows like it? You can't just say "Don't watch it!" or can you?

Yesterday we had a smorgasbord of topics. Work, money, good and bad habits, being mean or nice, and charity. Our plan was to end this session and the course with Dolly Parton's, "9-5". But for some reason we could not find it on I-tunes and as most of you can imagine this, "just past middle age" couple were not able to down load it from you-tube or other places we found it. Eventually we settled on Toby Keith's, "Made in America." It was, of course, a tribute to our country; with memorial day just around the corner we though it was appropriate. Patriotism is an important lesson for kids to learn. But,  it was also a tribute to fathers which brought us back to the first lesson; kids respect, love, and honor their parents even when we don't deserve it. Furthermore, they do what they see us do; they become us!

To be a good parent you must be the person you want your child to become!

Lead fromThe Front

Last evening Mary and I were discussing the contents of Sunday's parenting class and all at once it occurred to me; parent is the first word in parenting! I know that sounds trite and even dumb, but think about it for a minute.  Parenting and parenting books should be about the parent! We all know that kids become us! They even come to look like us!

Yet, most books on parenting are about the kids, not the parents? These books start with a problem kids have and then tell the parent what to do about it! If kid does A you should do B; if he does not do A, you should do C, and on and on. That seems backwards to me! Parents, like other leaders, should be in the front, not the rear! What successful leader leads from the rear? Lead from the front!

Since your kids will eventually think like you, act like you, and love, pray, and live like you, doesn't it make sense to be the person you want your kids to become?

Be happy if you want your kids to be happy, read if you want your kids to read, go to church if you want your kids to go to church, tell the truth if you want them to be truthful, be trustworthy if you want to be trustworthy, be "nice" if you want your kids to be nice; I think you get the point.

But the contrary is also true, lie and your kids will lie, fight and your kids will fight, swear and they will follow. And, if you want your kids to be Steelers fans, see a psychiatrist or cut out your tongue!

All humor aside, "Don't be concerned if you kids don't hear everything you say, be concerned that they see everything you do!" (That is not my original thought, but I can not find who said it; if you know tell me.)

After more thought, I also realized that Messengers in Denim  really talks about leading from the front! It is a book on "How to be a parent" not "How to parent." I think, "Parent is the first word in parenting" really describes Messengers, don't you?

One final thought, the first word in Christianity is Christ! And Christian books usually start with Him and how we can relate to His divinity. In my prayers I often asked Christ to help me carry my cross then last night I realized I should ask to help carry His.

The Choking Game

The article below is taken, in part, from Reuters Health Information

Parents, do you know what the "Choking Game" is? One in 16 eighth-graders play it and it's dangerous, very dangerous. The article below is taken from Reuters Health April 16, 2012. It is based on a 2009 survey of eighth graders in Oregon, published in the on-line journal, Pediatrics April 16, 2012.

These young teens may call it a game, but it is anything but a game. The Chocking game involves putting pressure on the neck with a towel or belt to cut off someone's oxygen supply, then releasing the pressure to give a "high" sensation.

"Of more concern in these studies that have been coming out over the last several years is that among that group... there's a smaller subset that seem to like the phenomenon enough to continue doing it on a regular basis," said Dr. Andrew, who has studied asphyxia games but wasn't involved in the new research.

Researchers found that, "Oregon kids who said they'd played the choking game, close to two-thirds reported having done so more than once, and more than a quarter had played at least five times."

"Some kids may experience it and say, 'This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I'm never going to do it again,'" Dr. Andrew told Reuters Health. "The kids that go on to repeat it, it may not be in groups anymore. It could escalate into doing it by yourself with a ligature, and of course that's the highest risk of all."

As any parent might imagine, the choking game comes with a chance of asphyxiation and brain damage, as well as fatal head injuries from falling and hitting the ground after their air supply is cut off. Of course, the chance for a bad outcome increases every time the activity is repeated.
The findings are based on a 2009 survey given to more than 5,000 Oregon eighth graders. The researchers also noted "...that kids who were sexually active and those who used drugs or alcohol were more likely to have played the choking game -- also known as Knock Out, Space Monkey or Flatlining."

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found 82 media reports of kids dying from playing the choking game from 1995 through 2007 -- but that the figure is likely an underestimate. If a kid asphyxiates trying to get high alone, the death could look like a suicide.

This "choking" can be seen to increase the pleasure of sexual activity and even adults have used it as a sexual excitant. I know of a doctor in Wisconsin who died in middle age of "Auto-erotic Asphyxiation syndrome". Think of the embarrassment it brought to his family of teens!

"The activity itself is not new, but I think the ability to spread the word about it via the Internet is adding some fuel to the fire," said Dr. W. Hobart Davies, a psychologist from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee who has studied the choking game but didn't participate in the new research. "If you watched the kids doing it on YouTube, you'd think it was the most fun thing people have ever done," he said.

Use this article to discuss the chocking game, and other dangerous activities kids may hear about or do. Parents parent best by using daily situations like this to begin a mini-conversation or a so called, "Teachable Moment." Other dangerous activities which need discussion in frequent mini-conversations are; texting while driving, underage drinking and the resulting increased risk taking - driving, speeding, casual sex, drug use, diving into shallow pools, and many other things kids would not do if their judgement were not impaired.

And don't worry that your conversation will introduce kids to dangerous activities; by eighth grade, kids already know, probably more than their parents do, about these activities. But, they may not be aware of how dangerous they really are.

The Reuters article quoted Dr. Andrews as saying one study, "...showed 40% of kids surveyed in Texas and Canada didn't see any danger in playing the choking game, whether or not they had ever participated themselves."

http;//bit.ly/HOb1id

Pediatrics 2012.

Fight Drunk Driving!

Last night I attended a Town Hall Meeting sponsored by the Williamson County Coalition to Prevent Drug and Alcohol Abuse. It was very interesting, I am ony sorry there were not hundreds of parents and teens there.

Derrick, a handsome young man in his late twenties, told how a bad decision caused him to spend more than 25 % of his live in prison. He went to one of our local high schools where he was an athelete and an easy going, fun loving guy. He drank a "little alcohol" now and then, but it was never a significant part of his life. In the spring of his second year in college, and 20 years old, he and a friend went to Florida for Spring Break. There they met some old high school friends and planned a party at a beach front hotel some distance from the place they were staying.

Being forward thinking and careful men, they rented a room at the hotel so they would not have to drive after drinking. Additionally, Derrick checked his truck keys at the desk thus, guaranteeing he would not drive drunk. During the course of the evening one of his highschool friends had some kind of an accident in his hotel room and was found wedged on the floor between the beds bleeding from his head. In the comotion of getting him help the hotel management came upon the situation and called 911. He also threw them out of the hotel for making a raukus.

Derrick was now out of a room and in pocession of his keys. He and his friend decided to follow the ambulance to the hospital to look after their injured friend. While exiting the parking lot, the car in front of them came to a sudden stop, and Derrick plowed into the back of the car injuring the 3 people in the back seat. The police report noted he had driven about 100 yards in the parking lot and was traveling under 30 mph.

Unfortuantely one of the girls in the car had fatal injuries and died a day or so later. Derick was charged with a felony of vehicle homicide while intoxicated, DUI, as well as battering and injuring two other passengers. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison followed by 10 years of probation and lifetime denial of driving license.

He went on to tell how this affected his family; his mom who would never even take an aspirin required tranquilizers, his 9 y/o sister spent every Christmas in the prison visitor's lounge, there were multiple suits from the families of the injured kids and from the family of the girl who was killed. He was released after serving 7+ years but still must arrange someone to drive him to work and whereever else he needs to go. And every morning he awakes seeing the picture of the girl he killed because of his bad decision to drive while intoxicated.

Then he told us of the even more tragic part of the story: that of the families of the victims. How do they recover from the death of their daughter, sister, granddaughter and friend? Psychologists tell us there is no recovery from the death of a child, only the ability to get past it. But no day goes by without thinking of what might have been, or of the drunk driver who took her life and changed theirs forever.

All of this is so commonplace that it hardly makes news, but thanks to organizations, like MADD, things are changing. Courts are less forgiving than years ago. One lady at the meeting told of her 92 y/o grandmother and her 39 y/o cousin, who was driving her, being killed years ago by a drunk driver. He was given 60 days of community service!

Spring Break is about over for this year, but prom season is upon us. How many parents worry about their kids on prom night? I think almost all! My suggestion is to host a post prom party at your home. And be there! Another lady at last night's meeting told of a party she and her husband hosted at their house. When the hour got late and everyone was having a good time she and her husband retired to bed. After they were asleep some other, who were not friends of the host kids, invaded the party and brought alcohol. Some time later, the parents were awakened by the police raiding their home. The parents were charged with contributing to the deliquency of minors! So, be there until the last guest is gone.

Regular readers of this blog are familiar with Eric's Rules for Post Prom Parties. If you are not please go to the post of March 10 and read them. Then, forward them to all your friends you have and ask them to pass them on. Eric's rules can keep kids safe on prom night and any other night when celebrating is in order. Read them, study them, enforce them, and send them on. You all know families with prom goers who will thank you.

For more information about teens and alcohol and drug use see Chapters 8, 9, and 10 in Messengers in Denim